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I got back the feedback for my polished Parenthood script. It was extremely positive. Extremely. I've very proud of myself. The professor told me I did a great job. When she was handing the scripts back I was so nervous. Of course I was the last to get his handed back but it was worth it. There were a lot of checks (she puts checks by what works) and the notes inside the script consisted of left out commas or a single question regarding a scene.

After class, Jeff, a classmate and I, went to the cafeteria. He hadn't had dinner. I set my laptop up and finished up the tags that had come in and on the couch to our left was a guy with his arm around another guy. Arm guy was taller, masculine and the arm-ee was facing away, his face was, so I couldn't make a positive ID. I asked Jeff if guys do that and told me some...brothers do? Yeah, I couldn't hide a laugh from that. The arm guy then kind of, pet the other guy's hair and then sort of rubbed his arm and I got it. The ID. They're gay and together and I had a twinge of jealousy - and then I was simply happy for them.

I want that some day.

Oh boy you've left me speechless

Paranoia, party of one?

So, I woke up to a faux automated credit card suspended message. Called the bank. Everything seemed fine in general. But, when I looked at the number I called, it added a 2 onto the end of my bank's number. So, I'm paranoid that it somehow connected onto my call to my bank? I feel like I'm being really ridiculous. When I called the number back, it counted in French. Has anyone ever encountered this before?

In other news, I stayed up obscenely late and redid my Livejournal profile!

I need to shower and calm down. But, yes, I will be checking my bank account throughout the day!
The semester ends in two weeks. On the 16th I fly home. This week, I have to work on a research paper, a take-home final, a polish of a polish of my Parenthood script, and my Pilot treatment and pitch and then I'm home free. In a way, I miss home. I need a mind-flush and home does that. And a car is there waiting for me. That's so exciting. But, gas will be another expense again. This is better than the carless alternative. I'm a little worried about driving again but, I know I shouldn't be. My accident was human error. It happens. I just need to be an alert driver. I know this and I am so excited to be mobile again. God, so excited. I've learned that some people, you can count on and some, you can't. They don't think you're their responsibility or they're too busy in there own lives to help. Of course, when I'm on the other side, I'll understand where they're coming from. I can't help the circumstances as much as they can. It's just how life works.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

This semester taught me I'm still a procrastinator. This won't change. I know it. But, this works for when...if...when I write for television. The time constraints are absolutely ridiculous. I'll fit right in.

The semester had its ups and downs. I am still extremely single. I still have crazy-issues. I'm still a bitch and I'm still a really sweet guy. But, I'm older and a little bit wiser.

I also have to go to the gym more and eat better. Picky eating is just habit, it's psychological and I have to fucking get past it. I've acknowledged the idea but I can't seem to put it into practice. It's so easy to just stick to the routine.

I have to get better at starting conversations with students in the cafeteria if I want to. Sometimes, I'm good at being outgoing. Somehow, on campus, I'm not. And then other MFA students sit down and I have a personality.

I am beyond stoked for anotheroceanic. Plans are coming together and I feel so honored to be apart of an almost full Vampire Diaries cast. Smallville's exciting me as well. So much possibility. I'm excited for Community and Buffy/Angel casts but their plans are less drawn out. All in all, it's shaping up to be quite epic. polychromatic has become quite the community, as well. At the end of my upcoming plans, I'll have seven characters there.

Tomorrow, we norm. I'm a TA for those who don't know and norming is when the TA's and the professor get together and make sure we're grading the same. It happens after class and it sucks but luckily, if we're on the same page, we finish early. And I have food again so I don't have to stay until dinner.

Speaking of, Jeff is becoming the guy I'm closest with in the class. It's funny because at the beginning of the semester, the dynamic seemed like it would be Jonathon, my roommate. The one I got into the accident with. Turns out, he's Mr. Ambitious. Also, Mr. Narcissist. Jim is a 27 year old veteran-hermit. I'm closest, in general, to Lily, our neighbor across the way. I was close to Kati but, she became a study hermit and never does anything fun. Through Lily, I met the School of Public Policy grad students and branched out. Jon's still an acquaintance but not a good friend. I might be looking into apartments off campus with Jeff, though, so we'll see about that.

All in all? It has not been a horrible semester. I've learned a ton. I'm scared of pitching but it's theatrical and I've acted so I have the strengths in general to be good at it. I just have to put those strengths into practice.

I'm worried about when I take over bills and insurance and rent. It's scary, the idea of being on my own. Completely on my own. And I have been in a way with school loans, but until I get out of grad school, my mom's paying my cell phone bill. I could never take her or my grandparents for granted. They made sure I didn't take loans out for college. And my grandparents always ask me if I need anything.

God, it'll feel great to be back home.

Wow, this got lengthy, didn't it! Well, if you actually read this, good for you. I'm glad. If not, well, screw you and the horse you road in on.

But not really.

Off to do two last prose tags and one action spam. God, if I get into amatomnes I hear I'll never be without tags. This'll be a weird but...awesome and possibly stressful feeling. But, I've sworn to everyone I will not drown in that game, nor will I disappear from others I'm in. If it is too much to handle, the other players will understand but...I'd like to think I can handle it.

I love "I Dreamed a Dream." I'm telling myself I shouldn't listen to all of Les Miserables as I have the complete symphonic recording and it will take hours to get through. But, it's so effing beautiful, isn't it?

I need to end this now or it will never end. So, here I go. Ending it.
Fifteen icons? Is horrible. It's horrible. It's so horrible, I paid my journal again and weeded through icons. I also uploaded new ones. God, it's been since the Summer since I wrote in here. But, I would be happier if I did write here more often. I do have so much to say. So, I'm making two posts a week a requirement for me.

We'll see how that goes.

I'm not in a posting mood right now but later tonight I could see one catching everybody up. We shall see.

Hello again, personal journal. I did miss you.


Pay it forward

To the first five ten eight (five is such a small number) people who comment to this post, I will gift you with something of my own crafting. Mainly, a ficlet, or something completely random. You may love it or you may think it sucks, but regardless, it will be made with ♥love♥ for you from me.

The catch? You must pay it forward and post this in your journal so you can gift 5 of your friends with special gifts made by you.

If you would like me to write something specific, tell me. If you'd rather be surprised, I will come up with something on my own, based on what I know of you. I know that I'm behind on requests, but this is a pay it foward meme, and I am essentially, paying it forward.

From the edge of the deep green sea

I have been in California for a full week as of today. This week could be described with too many words to type down. I could go into it all. And I just might depending on how long I just sit here and type. Because, I feel like just sitting here, letting my iTunes shuffle, and typing. Because, I need to. I haven't for a week and I'm trying to keep up at least a partially scheduled posting...schedule. Partially regular, maybe, is what I mean. I don't know. I think it's coming across, though. What I mean.

Thursday morning everything came together. Mom and Bob went off to the famous track, the name of which I can't place right now. My one roommate Jonathan and I went out that morning into Malibu to explore and to get coffee. Our conversations flowed and they were intelligent and I found someone I really connected with. And after a little bush rounding I admitted that I was gay and he didn't care. He's that guy. He's religious but informed and smart and professional. He is also ambitious as anything.

After, we headed out to Thousand Oaks so he could get a new phone. On the way back, after Jon had fiddled with the GPS, I glanced down to see what the speed limit was and looking up I saw the stop sign up ahead as well as the stopped car and I slammed on the breaks, rear-ending them. (Side-note: I am over it and I need to let it go but in order to explain away the week it needs to be detailed. I think it will help the letting go as well.) Anyway, Jon kept me calm or tried and I was just freaking out. Both parties involved were physically fine. I did everything I was supposed to. Calling Mom was the hardest thing, though. I always hate calling her in bad situations.

I also connect this to my hatred for voice-mails. I despise voice mails. When I find I have one, I get a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I called insurance throughout the day, including when I got home to finish the claim. Jon called his friend Laura who met us at the scene and drove me to the car care place they took the car to. She was fantastic and she and Jon are two of my good friends here, now. Car care turned into Enterprise and I went home with a rental. An Infiniti. A car that surpasses my old car in leaps and bounds and driving it back I felt both cool and uncomfortable. I don't recommend the feeling.

Anyway, despite asshole tow-truck drivers and accidental accidents I moved on. Went out with Laura and Jon Thursday and Friday night. Friday night at Coogies we had a waiter I had had before. And we ended up striking up conversation with him. His name's Ken and he went to Pepperdine and he is severely talented. He's a wannabe actor like every other waiter in Malibu.

Saturday, mom, Bob and I went to Santa Barbara and then a cousin's for dinner. It was nice.

Before Tuesday night, I couldn't help but question my being here or at least how I had been feeling here. There are moments where I feel extremely secure in my being here and who I know and will know eventually. But, other times, I'm not at all. Jon's out, Jim's a hermit and Sinclair's either whistling in his room or out somewhere else, and I'm ... here. With a rental car that's going any day now.

Insurance called on Tuesday. It is a total loss. My grandparents assure me they're going car shopping again. I hate that they have to or...want to...I hate them spending money they don't have to spend on me. I don't believe stupidity should be rewarded but I do need a car out here. I made it clear that not only was I appreciative but I feel terrible. They assured me that I didn't need to. It was an accident.

Monday, I started TAing. I was still feeling off in general. I was five minutes late because I second guessed where we were supposed to meet. But, once there, I relaxed and it was nice. Funny. Informative. There's a lot of reading involved and there will be essay grading involved as well.

OK, fast forward to Tuesday night. Writing for One Hour Television. Taught by a professor I won't name but she worked on Charmed among other projects and she's currently developing a Pilot for SciFi. Anyway, I realized there that I want to do this. I want to write for television and I want to be out here and it's where I need to be. I had been a little discouraged with the hyper-Christian goings-on but it really is just a welcoming place. It's just hard not knowing anyone and realizing that I'm a grad student and I shouldn't be sitting and feeling lonely. I should be secure in who I am. And I'll get there.

I'm going to spec Parenthood for class. Essentially, for those who don't know, a spec is writing a script for it. Except, you're writing the best episode ever. Ace characterizations and no big revelations and side characters that just pop.

Post-class, I called Mom because she had texted me during to tell me that she was still up. (They flew back Tuesday morning.) She just wanted to hear my voice. And we talked and I assured her that I love the class and she informed me that she knows I'm meant to be out here. It...really helped.

Today was sort of a one step forward, two steps back day. I watched Parenthood. A lot. I studied the structure and the beats and the story breakdown and the act breaks. It really makes me reevaluate television.

And now for the two steps back. I didn't really go out. Jon went to Duke's to fill in an application and went onto campus for lunch and then did a time-lapse camera shoot and then drove into L.A. to meet friends. I did connect with Laura for dinner but she was already dinnering with a friend. She invited me but I'm not a guy who imposes and they were going for Mexican. So, I turned her offer down.

I need to look into on-campus jobs and to do that I have to sign on online and fill in online applications. And I will. I will. I'm debating E-mailing the TV professor about my findings but I don't know why I would because I don't have any specific questions. But, I do find I love talking about it. Which is a good sign, right? I think it's a good sign. I think it's a really good sign.

I just have to get over this pedestrian left out feeling when I'm not doing something or I need to do something myself. Either way. I will. I will get better at being me out here. I will love it, even. I'm on my way.

Tomorrow, I TA again. And tomorrow night is Film Theory with an after-karaoke possibility happening, I think. And, if not, next Thursday there is definite karaoke-ing for my birthday after class.

I turn 22 on Tuesday. September 7th. 22. In California. And for the first year I'm not afraid it's going to go by unnoticed. Mostly because I'm not timid, noone needs to know it's my birthday guy. Because it'll be my effing BIRTHDAY and that is cause to celebrate. And? No class on Monday.

In conclusion to this massive entry, I'm going to be alright but I'm not there.

What is this, I don't even...

How am I watching T.V. from the East Coast?

Make a little birdhouse in your soul

I made it through my first fake day and now for my first real day. I woke up and it was early. 8:30 early but I expected to awaken early. Still adjusting to the time zone switch. My room was cool and not at all as hot as I thought it'd be. There was a breeze coming in. It was nice. I managed to unpack mostly everything.

I need to set up my printer, actually organize everything, go food shopping, go school supplies shopping and tomorrow I have to explore the campus. I have to use my key to get into the gym because it could expire if I don't. Of course, I have to find...the gym. And there's a public pool for students with ID. Outdoors. And there's a tennis center. Not just a court, but a center all for tennis. And the campus is huge, it's on the side of a mountain and my view is spectacular.

I have my car back! We had to drive into Callabasas to pick it up. I drove it back behind Bob on Malibu Canyon road - way windy. And by windy I mean curve-y and not, blowing in the ... wind. This morning, I finally moved my car to the lower level. Because it's less walking to get to which is nice!

What else.

What else.

Um, I'm ecstatic to be here? You effing bet.
I'm sitting here on my bed. I have just finished the last shower I will ever take in Maryland until December. I'm listening to Paramore and breathing. My cat has crawled into my the open part to me laptop case. It is incredibly cute. I really will miss them. The kittens. Mom. Bob. My family. But, I want this. I have wanted this for some time now, sitting and watching a television show thinking that maybe someday I could do that. And this is a step. A really big, huge, moving across the country step.

In other news, HBO's pilot Tilda starring Diane Keaton has gotten dramatic behind the scenes. And I think it's supposed to be the other way around. But, maybe it's just me?

My iTunes shuffle is strange and all because I tried to be psychic. Sometimes, I ask how something is going to go and the songs it plays can tell me [loosely and never accurately, after all it's fun B.S.) but this shuffle is strange. Although "Gimme Gimme" is now playing. And God, who doesn't want love, you know?

My kitten is now asleep and I should be too. Early flight. Early. I am talking early-early. Along with DVD's I bought Catching Fire the second book in The Hunger Games series. Question is, will I watch DVD's? Read? Or sleep?

Stay tuned tomorrow night for the answer and yes, I know you are just dying to find out.

This isn't an ending. This is only the beginning.
Mid-way through letting packing stress and my mom's everything get to me, I stopped. I had to stop because if I didn't stop I was going to freak out or snap or just do something generally unpleasant. And so, I stopped. I stopped and focused on DVD's I'd be bringing. No DVD's will fit in suitcases as I have cut severely back these next few months. I've packed Gilmore Girls Seasons 2 and 6, Buffy Season 2, Private Practice Season 2, One Tree Hill Season 3 and Veronica Mars Season 1. And yes, this bothers me because now I have the impulse to watch everything over and over again. But, I'm over it. I am over the holyshitican'thaveeverythingtherewithmerightaway impulse. Because, it's not smart price-wise to ship everything out at once and it is an impossibility. Surpassing this notion was what I needed. I'm going to be busy. I'm going to be really busy. I'll be a TA and I'll be taking classes and I will have a life so, that many DVD's, I will live with.

What's also hit is the realization that I am leaving. Completely. Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and I fly out to Los Angeles, California before driving out to Malibu and moving into a four person apartment and then a week from tomorrow, my mother and Bob will leave.

And I'll be in California. I will be there. And I did it.

It's jarring.

But, it's what I want and sometimes, I think it's what I need.